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Reasons for patterns like this are most often to be found in childhood. You probably were rejected emotionally in your childhood by someone you yearned to be connected with (parent?!), and now you are repeating or replaying that shit in a vain attempt to get over it. This sounds weird but it makes sense when you see it as "taking the stronger role" to not be the weak and suffering part of the relationship - it's a form of self protection.
Good therapy (there's bad therapy as well unfortunately) can help.