this post was submitted on 15 Aug 2024
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Relaxed section for discussion and debate that doesn't fit anywhere else. Whether it's advice, how your week is going, a link that's at the back of your mind, or something like that, it can likely go here.
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It's hard to engage with such short replies. What parts confuse you? What do you need more guidance on? Is there anything else that is unclear about my response and how we value community around here?
deeper context involves like, reading the last 10 posts someone made to get an idea of who they are before responding, is that expected here? I am not understanding what you want from me
i think the basic confusion people are having is that, when you phrase it like "I use it/its in spaces where I do not plan on engaging with people as individuals" and "This space is not a chat room and there is no reason to treat it as such. It is a forum.", how that comes off to some people is you are kind of treating this place like a dumping ground for what you want to talk about and then ignoring other people jumping off of your posts. that may or may not be what you intend to do; so that's why people are trying to clarify the intent of your posts.
i mean i did mention replying to comments though, so idk how they could assume that i was planning on ignoring them?
idk it feels like bad faith assumptions
like people keep saying im not going to use peoples pronouns when i didnt say anything about that?
Because you said that you use it/its when you are in a forum where you don't plan on interacting as an individual, and I think they took that to mean you will use it/its when addressing others.
Please, don't feel like we are piling on you. I personally would say you came as a positive disruption, but making sure this is a safe space is a big priority and that means even discussions filled with good intentions have to be careful. You should check tildes for comparison.
Now about forums and chat rooms. Chat rooms never felt really personal to me, but I could never socialize with a lot of people at the same time well. Forums, 20 years ago, were a space I inhabited frequently. Deeper context for me was knowing who I was talking to because I had read their posts and comments in the past. We engaged ideas, but we considered people as well. Of course, not every discussion was the same, with some more abstract than others.
I have been seeing your posts for the past week. They feel very personal, but your approach feels detached, academic. Try being more conversational, asking questions and being interested. For instance: What brought you here? Why do you post? What do you expect to offer and get? Ideas, opinions, experiences? Educate people, get collaboration for your ideas, someone to challenge and strength them?
I truly believe our mods want to be accepting, but their role is also to maintain peace by guiding and reminding we all of our philosophy.
I'm autistic, I've been called "detached and academic" my whole life, if you are inclusive how about you try including how I like to communicate instead of treating my existence like a problem to be fixed
what makes you think attacking me how I interact makes me want to interact more closely?
That's on me, I'm sorry. I realized the implications of my words, but failed to choose better ones. I have no problem with your style or tone. As I said, I feel your posts are personal and passionate.
Let's try again. Context is important. I believe a lot in subjectivity, which can be confusing, others need facts and concrete examples, something I have learned to keep in mind when asked in the past. You tell me the best way to communicate with you.
You said I attacked you and that I want to fix your existence. Those are not facts. I offended you and I might have hurt you, these are facts and I won't deny them, and I accept my responsibility for what I did.
You see, I suffer from anxiety and depression. After two months in therapy, I feel comfortable to once again engage in the community and take risks. I just wanted to help (which doesn't excuse my mistakes), but reading this response would make me retreat again weeks ago. I would ask myself of I'm really this bad person you are interpreting me to be and if my contributions have any value, if I shouldn't just let other people more prepared to deal with it. I was also hurt by what you said.
I'm a sensitive man, but my whole life people have called me robotic, unfeeling, reserved and the like. They didn't agree with the way I lived my life and thought trying to change me was a kindness. They are wrong. I've seen so many people suffer because the world refuses to allow them space that I try to make sure I'm accommodating. I believe everyone should grow in life by learning how to express themselves in their own unique ways.
All this is me trying to reveal myself so I can be better understood. Because I think it's important. Because I think this community is important. And because I think you are important too. I learned a little bit about you today. I have learned other bits before and imagine I'll see more in the future. I asked some questions to help me with that as well, but you decide what you want to share.