this post was submitted on 13 Aug 2024
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ADHD
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A casual community for people with ADHD
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Avoiding situations that allow others to define me on their terms.
I'm curious what this means. Did you find a way to turn those situations into "your terms" or are you just avoiding everything uncomfortable?
No judgement if it's the second, but that's not going to work in my world.
Something I did wrong for many years, decades even, was to focus exclusively on trying to improve the areas where I struggle compared to normies. I always felt bad because I found it so hard to do simple things that were easy for most people.
Gradually, I realized there are things I can do that the normies can’t. So instead of constantly trying to redeem myself by improving the things I suck at, I focus on those things I’m really good at.
For example, if I do a job that is all delivery, where I’m just executing rote tasks that someone else has defined, I’ll struggle. If I do a job that is strategic and/or creative and involves very little rote delivery, I’ll excel.
The problem was that school is mostly rote delivery according to a fixed schedule, and early-career jobs tend to be the same. I really struggled during those times of my life. But once I got to the point where I could get more creative/strategic work, the way my brain works finally became an asset rather than a liability.