this post was submitted on 27 Jul 2024
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Autism

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Dating/Hangout Anxieties? (lemmy.world)
submitted 2 months ago* (last edited 2 months ago) by douglasg14b@lemmy.world to c/autism@lemmy.world
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Anyone else get anxiety when waiting for communication on anything soft-planned (or even hard planned for that matter)? Spiraling and all that.

Especially if the person involved is late or didn't respond. Ofc the reaction is to check in, that's what I'd want someone else to do for me if I indicated I'd do something or message someone. However, that can be interpreted as being needy or clingy when really I just want to know the plan and not be left hanging.

Life happens ofc, people gotta cancel plans, that's okay. But what really rubs things wrong is being left without information, that's when the anxiety shoots. Do you wait for them, or go do something else? If you go do something else, what happens when they're suddenly available? That's not respecting my time, so it's rude, but do you convey that?? What if you hinged your day on something, that just throws a big ass wrench in.

Everyone is living their own lives, and things happen, preventing communication. It just feels like it's more common than it used to be, or more... Negligent?

Gah.

I guess /rant really.

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[–] cashmaggot@piefed.social 1 points 2 months ago

Gunna sneak in here. I have to say that friends are harder to come by now than ever before. But I also live in a place radically known for it's stanky people. So you know, it is what it is. But I still have some brilliant, wonderful and loving folks who remind me every day how wonderful human beings can be. So my suggestion to you here is realize that everyone is a flaky shit, we're all overstimulated and exhausted, people will show you how much they value you with their actions. I think there's something labeled for autistic waiting-mode but I don't remember what it is. The biggest thing I wanted to say is that the people I have loved endlessly in my life have been people with big hearts and a touch of (mayhapsby) neurodivergence or at least being strongly against the grain in nature. I mean I think some of my favorite people alive are bipolar people, and they get treated like absolute plagues of the world by most. So yeah, I think at the end of the day you've got to just find the people who work with you. But yet again, how you do that in this modern era? Hell if I know. If I hadn't laid so many mad roots all over the place I think I would be absolutely puck-ed right now. So it is what it is but godspeed and you've got this!