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I ran an ejabberd node on an old x86 for years for family and some close friends. Works great.
Then I got tired of maintaining devices after long days at work doing IT things. We talked. Signal is easier. We moved over to that, in the end.
A Pi3 1GB will easily scale to 4 people.and beyond. XMPP is really lightweight for text and images. Consider a Pi4 for voice or video though.
Currently xmpp voice and video calls are not going through the server at all, so it will work just fine on a RPi3.
News to me! Good to know, though.
I think realtime media routed through the node back when I was running one, but that was quite a while ago now. It wasn't bad for my crew, but load scales exponentially in those sort of applications as you take on endpoints.
Ah, right. I wasn't sure about that part.
So, the XMPP server just helps to initiate the connextion between clients then they communicate directly?
Will that work if someone's at home (inside the network) and talking to someone outside (via the pfSense proxy)?
For a/v calls yes. You might need to configure a STUN server to help clients find each other if they are behind a NAT.
Yep, had ejabberd running on a Pi 3 with all the XEPs supported by Conversations enabled and various transports. 4 or 5 people at times. No problems at all - with chat and memes, that is. Never tried video or voice calls, but I don't think they require much work from the Pi itself.
However, similar to @solidgrue@lemmy.world, in a bout of simplifying my life I decided to nix the setup as all people involved also had one or more of Threema, Signal or Telegram anyways.