this post was submitted on 11 Feb 2024
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How do you date? (beehaw.org)
submitted 9 months ago by Gaywallet@beehaw.org to c/chat@beehaw.org
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Recently had a conversation with a good friend about dating, and it had me curious about how everyone on Beehaw approaches dating. Tell me a bit about how you date! Here's a few prompts/thoughts I'm curious about:

  • How long does it take for you to know if you're attracted to someone (sexually, romantically, emotionally, shared interests, etc)?
  • What do you like to do when you date and does it change depending on how many dates you've been on or how well you know the person?
  • Once you start dating someone, how long does it take you to understand whether you want to date the person long term or whether it's not going to work out?
  • Do you only date people you meet in real life or do you use dating apps? How do you approach going from stranger to dating them?
  • What's most important in deciding whether you want to date someone? Do they need to have an interest in activities you enjoy, shared values, emotional intelligence, a certain kind of humor, or something else?
  • Is there something you don't understand about dating and want to share your frustration?
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[–] apis@beehaw.org 3 points 9 months ago

"Varies" for all bar the penultimate.

There it would be less "deciding whether you want to date..." and more "deciding whether you want to continue to date". Am a bit hasty when it comes to getting embroiled before scoping stuff out.

Activities are nice, but unimportant.

Values very important - they don't have to align on details if they're broadly shared, but I'll be revulsed if someone pretends to be more aligned (or more freshly & speedily persuaded than they truly are - we all change our minds, but if you volte face too readily I'll query your sincerity & also the depth of anything you claim to believe, past, present & future).

Emotional intelligence? For the most part, if you're aware of & working on your insecurities, encouraging me to work on mine (sappy contradictions are a waste of breath & mental energy) we should be ok. Playing games is anathema to me in both directions - I'll come to you in straightforward terms if I have a problem and expect you to do likewise. Until then, assume I am content with our relationship.

Humour? Overlap is lovely, but you need to have some even if we have no mutual sense of humour. If you only crack insincere smiles & never once laugh, despite a great variety of social circumstances, imma have some misgivings unless there's reason to suspect anxiety or depression.

N.B.: yes, all of the above are things discovered in my dotage as an experienced lady, on a recent escapade, now mercifully over.