this post was submitted on 11 Feb 2024
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How do you date? (beehaw.org)
submitted 9 months ago by Gaywallet@beehaw.org to c/chat@beehaw.org
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Recently had a conversation with a good friend about dating, and it had me curious about how everyone on Beehaw approaches dating. Tell me a bit about how you date! Here's a few prompts/thoughts I'm curious about:

  • How long does it take for you to know if you're attracted to someone (sexually, romantically, emotionally, shared interests, etc)?
  • What do you like to do when you date and does it change depending on how many dates you've been on or how well you know the person?
  • Once you start dating someone, how long does it take you to understand whether you want to date the person long term or whether it's not going to work out?
  • Do you only date people you meet in real life or do you use dating apps? How do you approach going from stranger to dating them?
  • What's most important in deciding whether you want to date someone? Do they need to have an interest in activities you enjoy, shared values, emotional intelligence, a certain kind of humor, or something else?
  • Is there something you don't understand about dating and want to share your frustration?
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[–] SpectralPineapple@beehaw.org 4 points 9 months ago* (last edited 9 months ago)

You only say that because you never dated me! lol

Just kidding.

But yeah, there are lots of unspoken rules for sure, but to be honest, when a potential partner fixates too much on that kinda thing I lose interest anyway. I don't wanna be with someone just because I tick their mental boxes as if I there was an invisible DnD character sheet for me in their head.

When I notice someone "plays games", I usually decide they're not for me. I call them whenever I feel like it, I send messages whenever I feel like it. I'm not looking at the calendar just to know when to call without looking "needy", because someone who would judge me for being "needy" is not someone I wanna be with. If I like someone, they'll know it.

I've been with women who clearly counted the days and followed rules for this and other stuff. It's exhausting.

When you asked about "dating" I thought you only meant first dates and such, long-term relationships are a different ball game. But I would say that in the stage I am in life, once a relationship starts "securing" the first year is kind of a given. Things tend to get harder after that.