this post was submitted on 27 Jan 2024
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When people say i am brave or whatever, I tell them I am an example of survivor's bias. For every one of me, there's thousands that don't make it. I am a fluke of fate's whimsy, not of my own bravado and moxie.
Give yourself credit. For each of those fallen, you've taken a step further. Be it because of them or in spite of them you saw the day after that they didn't. Call it a fluke or the result of entropy but if we'll never know the answer what's the harm in allowing yourself to be known as brave? To take that shiny little title of inspiration and make it real? Wear it like badge. Try to be brave. Try to be what you think they see rather than what you see.
You're missing the point here. This is not about making someone feel better about themselves but about making others realize how bad it was to finally spur them into action. Because it's so much easier to "admire" someone strong than just to do something about the adversity.
I know nothing about you, but if I just read your comment in this context I want to scream at you: You, too, think you're making a differene by trying to make someone feel good about themselves, but what have you done about easing their suffering? It's not like it has stopped, it will go on for the rest of our lifes.
You're just taking the easy way out by giving a pep talk then it's back to normal.
Now, like I said, I know nothing about you, and maybe this pep talk was from one survivor to another, but I'm just so damn tired to hear the same song and dance over and over. We don't need pep talks that make the talkers feel good about themselves, we need change. Good change.
Life is about perspective first and foremost. To look at obstacles as adversity will make it a miserable one to surmount. You will dread it, agonize over having to endure it, become anxious at the thought of the next one. I like to listen to philosophy and one of my favorite quotes is on my profile and it's by my favorite philosopher by far. I've learned a lot from a dead Roman emperor and my comments aren't exactly pep talks as much as they are helping people change their point of view on life and its trials.
There will never, ever, be change which eradicates adversity entirely. We can work towards reducing it but it will always find a new way to appear. So instead of trying to live without obstacles, to avoid the hurdles life will always put in front of you - change how you address it. Don't think of it as misfortune, think of it as a challenge to become stronger, to be thankful even to have the opportunity to overcome adversity. The quality of your life is a direct reflection of that quality of your thoughts and while I have yet to master these kinds of teachings, I recognize the immeasurable value in them.
I have a whole host of issues in my life, things that would cause immense stress for people, but I know I can't change them so I do everything I can to let my feelings around them go. Not having enough money for bills, groceries running low, next paycheck not being for another 9 days, I can't change those things. All I know is that I will have the mental weapons I have now to overcome those problems when they arise and that brings me comfort. To know I will be as ready as I need to be and I will become more experienced with those situations when they're finished.
Be grateful for every day you wake up for not everyone does. Enjoy as much as you can and worry as little about the things that cause you misery as possible. I know these are easy words to say, I know it's challenging to put them into practice, but I promise you it makes the suffering sting just a little bit less.
I get where you're coming from. But if everyone thought your way, adversity will only ever grow.
You need to be upset, and you need to be working to reduce adversity for those who don't have the resilience it takes. Adversity is like chaos, if you never do anything it will overwhelm even the strongest person.
Your perspective is not wrong (perspectives rarely are), I just think it's unhelpful for the greater picture. It works for an individual, but it will do nothing for your peers. Instead, it serves to protect those who benefit from other people suffering and being disadvantaged, because if everyone practiced that there would not be enough anger to fuel change. And change is needed.
Anger and frustration is your energy. If you never get angry you'll never have the incentive to change the world. Your perspective is probably helpful with chronic conditions, because there's nothing to change about that, but in my opinion it's wrong to apply it to every situation.
If you find yourself facing human-constructed adversity, like in a society that doesn't want to do minimal changes that would only slightly inconvenience them but would greatly benefit some of their peers, I think your advice is harmful - because it quells the flames that are needed to fight for a better society.