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Romance in the 21st century (beehaw.org)

submitted 1 year ago by SlamDrag@beehaw.org to c/chat@beehaw.org

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Hello friends, if you'll allow me, I would like to rant for a moment about the state of dating in an urban setting.

I don't want to immediately say things were better decades ago, but as someone who is monogamous, vanilla, just wants a steady partner, it feels impossible to date with the current apps. I am in hobby groups, I'm on Bumble, Hinge etc., I meet new people. Yet I can't seem to find anyone. I'm despairing friends, I'm despairing.

I feel like I'm picking people off an algorithm. The room for surprise and delight has been cut off. Now there is only space for cold hard data. Lots of pretty people with good education and it's so hard to see them as people and not just another part of an ever growing list. Another dot in the scatter plot.

People who are in LTRs, how'd you find your partner? What keeps you together?

Other single folk, how are you finding dating to be in your current locale? What things have brought success or failure in your mind? How do you define success or failure?

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[–] exohuman@kbin.social 8 points 1 year ago* (last edited 1 year ago)

I met my future husband on Plenty of Fish. It was supposed to be a simple date/hook up. However, we just clicked and never stopped seeing each other. We would both feel bad after not seeing each other and had to finally admit to each other that what we had is something more than just a hookup.

We are so opposite. Like very different. However, as the years passed we have influenced each other’s interests and behaviors and we are both better people for it. We grew. It’s been about 13 years now and during that time we got married and started a family. It hasn’t always been easy, but it’s a road I would not have wanted to travel with anyone else.

My advice is that if what you want is a real, lasting LTR, you need to look past the “qualifications”, pictures, and stats on dating apps. Widen your dating pool. Date the human. Find out their passions and instincts. What makes them happy? Or sad? Show them what makes you unique. Show them what you enjoy. Try out their interests and learn from each other. Don’t try to rush into relationship-thinking. Just enjoy yourself. If its a match, you will know.