this post was submitted on 24 Jun 2023
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Romance in the 21st century (beehaw.org)
submitted 1 year ago by SlamDrag@beehaw.org to c/chat@beehaw.org
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Hello friends, if you'll allow me, I would like to rant for a moment about the state of dating in an urban setting.

I don't want to immediately say things were better decades ago, but as someone who is monogamous, vanilla, just wants a steady partner, it feels impossible to date with the current apps. I am in hobby groups, I'm on Bumble, Hinge etc., I meet new people. Yet I can't seem to find anyone. I'm despairing friends, I'm despairing.

I feel like I'm picking people off an algorithm. The room for surprise and delight has been cut off. Now there is only space for cold hard data. Lots of pretty people with good education and it's so hard to see them as people and not just another part of an ever growing list. Another dot in the scatter plot.

People who are in LTRs, how'd you find your partner? What keeps you together?

Other single folk, how are you finding dating to be in your current locale? What things have brought success or failure in your mind? How do you define success or failure?

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[–] SlamDrag@beehaw.org 15 points 1 year ago

You definitely added more than zero value! I begin to feel more and more that for a high percentage of my generation (born post-2000), learning how to navigate social networks IRL wasn't a skill we learned. There's a generational atrophy when it comes to organizing parties and mixers and social activities larger than your closest friends.

One of the things I'm trying to break down in my friend group is the apathy towards mixing different groups of friends. Like we think different communities won't be able to get along with each other, and there is a paralyzing fear of any kind of social awkwardness. This also likely has to do with the friends I've made over the years, as someone who has struggled greatly with social anxiety I think I've naturally selected for groups of socially anxious people. Ack.