Chat

I'm moving forward with the idea to run for office, and I've already had people from my family shit on the idea because people might be mean to me. Since when are we supposed to roll over for people like that? The anarchist in me sees the whole thing as futile, but like one of my friends said, we live in a fucked up society, and sometimes the places we find ourselves are less than ideal. I'm technically in a leadership position at my job, but I rationalize it by thinking better someone like me in such a position than someone who is more likely to exert power and coerce others, but maybe that's just empty rationalization on my part. I try to live according to my ideals, but damn it's hard. I try to be as lateral as possible. I see other people in the same or similar positions manipulating or even lying, and I don't want to be that person. I'll go serve tables again before I let myself become like that.

Meanwhile, my husband and I have been hit with a ton of unexpected expenses, and it's made things difficult. He switched to working overnights because he has a bulging disc and there's less physical labor at night, but some people don't understand that they shouldn't just barge in whenever at any time of day because he's fucking sleeping, and he also copes with PTSD-induce insomnia, so fucking hell -- just a phone call or text first? Last night, I told my co-worker that we weren't giving out candy (because her kids were the only trick-or-treaters we had last year), and I made little goodie bags for the kids on the block and knocked on doors and explained to their parents that we'd have our lights off this year but here's some candy, and my drunk brother still came and rang the bell, then knocked persistently at the back door, waking my husband, causing the dogs to bark, and when I told him my husband was sleeping and that I was on the phone with the bank trying to work out our finances he barged in anyway. I felt so frustrated because I was as proactive as I could be, didn't even have the lights on, explained the situation. Like, who does that? Sure, it's great to see your costume, but this is not acceptable at all. Sorry about the vent, but I'm still so frustrated by that whole series of events. (Same brother who's always getting drunk and trying to feed me bread because it's "organic" when I have celiac disease -- not the brightest bulb in the chandelier.)

Anyway, I'm sad to say it's been an absolute dogshit week, and I wish I didn't have to be around people. I'm usually pretty social, but fuck. I don't even want to be around my husband, just want to go to some warm, remote place and pitch a tent for a while to get my head screwed on right. It's weird to me that everyone has an opinion about everything I do. I don't know why it's like that.