this post was submitted on 25 Sep 2023
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„Read the room“ triggers me to no end (discuss.tchncs.de)
submitted 1 year ago by Haui@discuss.tchncs.de to c/autism@lemmy.world
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Recently I read through the comments on a post and someone suggested OP should „just read the room“.

I have been told this since I was young and it triggers me every time.

Being unaware of social dynamics in a situation is a thing a lot of autistic people I know struggle with. „Reading the room“ in my understanding means „becoming aware of the unspoken things in a situation“.

Collins dictionary says: If you say that someone reads the room, you mean that they understand their audience and adapt what they say to suit it.

I think, although not on purpose, saying this is massively ableist and making fun of someone for „not reading the room“ is harassment imo.

Feel free to give an opposing opinion as well. I would like to hear them.

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[–] RavenFellBlade@startrek.website 8 points 1 year ago (1 children)

To me, the expectation to "read the room" is like expecting me to read Braille with no training. It's trying to use one sense to do something another sense ordinarily does, in a way that I lack the physical sensitivity to do properly. Sure, I might be able to eventually suss out some meaning, but it's just as likely to be coincidence as legitimate understanding.

[–] Haui@discuss.tchncs.de 2 points 1 year ago

I agree. I‘d use another example like butterfly swimming. It is achievable through training but unless you really have the time, physique and dedication it is futile. Same goes for autistic people being told to read the room. Most of us lack the required synapses (so to speak) and although we could probably get there by training, it is a skill we don’t need as much as we need to make ourselves food or clean the apartment which also some of us struggle with. So maybe, if we have spare time after learning the other stuff, our much needed downtime, if we feel like it (this is a nicely worded fuck off to the person telling us to learn it).