Selfhosted
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Things in the fediverse can be pretty fractured. Many instances block lemmygrad. Kbin has not been federating right because it is buggy, a newish feature for it, and/or under insane load. About 2 hours ago beehaw.org defederated from lemmy.world and sh.itjust.works.
Similar things happened during the mastodon boom. Lots of federation/blocking drama between various instances. A lot of drama about "free speech" instances and NSFW in particular, IIRC. A lot of the GNU Social side of the fediverse leaned heavily into the "free speech" aspect, which was jarring for some new users/servers admins to mastodon.
Honestly, your best option is to selfhost or find a small instance with some sort of non-open admission policy. Even that can make things hard as some instances can have a restrictive federation policy (only federating to explicitly allowed instances), though I don't think that is a very popular at the moment. If spammers start spinning up their own servers instead of making accounts on open servers that may start happening.
This is the main reason I'm here - I realized that with an account on lemmy.world or something some admin somewhere could just unilaterally decide to defederate some major server and I wouldn't be able to get to half the communities I like anymore. And lo and behold, beehaw.org defederated lemmy.world while I was setting this up.
I always thought this mechanic would drive a lot of people away from the fediverse, but mastodon still seems to be pretty active after the mass migrations from Tumblr and Twitter so what do I know?
Re. Mastodon: Insular communities gonna insulate. Defederation has collateral damage, but among some communities that is acceptable because they view intolerance and the toleration of intolerance as close enough to warrant blanket handling. (See that "Nazi bar" story that's often cited)
Re. Lemmy: I think we will see much of the same. Lemmy is (IMO) in a slightly more immature state than Mastodon was when it had one of its early booms (when I ran an instance briefly). Especially w/r/t mod tools and stuff, which is part of why things are fragmenting at the moment.
I want my instance to run "under the radar" for the most part. Personally I'd rather leave things up to individuals to decide what they do or don't want to see. For example, if you enable NSFW content and browse "all" posts, don't be surprised if there is NSFW content there. Or content you don't agree with. But, if you borrow my car with my company logo on it (use my instance) to go to someone else's house (some community on another instance) and piss in their cornflakes (break that community's rules) I am not going to let you keep borrowing my car (kick you off my instance). And on the communities fully hosted on the instance itself I want them to generally be welcoming to others, which includes showing people who are not welcoming the door.
Oh interesting. I could selfhost and then have access to any of the instances? Would I be able to access an instance that's defederated? Seems like Beehaw has a ton of activity and now it's defederating. It's almost sus bc if I was trying to discredit the fediverse and Lemmy in general, I would get as many people on my instance as possible and then cut it off completely.