this post was submitted on 06 Sep 2023
210 points (100.0% liked)
Chat
7498 readers
22 users here now
Relaxed section for discussion and debate that doesn't fit anywhere else. Whether it's advice, how your week is going, a link that's at the back of your mind, or something like that, it can likely go here.
Subcommunities on Beehaw:
This community's icon was made by Aaron Schneider, under the CC-BY-NC-SA 4.0 license.
founded 2 years ago
MODERATORS
you are viewing a single comment's thread
view the rest of the comments
view the rest of the comments
Painting with such broad strokes about opinions you don’t like and writing them all collectively off as “pricks” and “starfield Stans” is contributing to the current state of discourse that you are lamenting.
I was just giving examples. English is not my native language so I did my best to diversify on adjectives. It takes like 5 seconds to find a comment anywhere you go where the person is just being straight up toxic and there's no good intent on the post. I don't care about the opinions, I am talking about the intent.
Edit: typo
Intentional or not, the phrasing is very hostile and dismissive, just fyi. No worries just pointing it out.
Sorry but that wasn't the point I was trying to make. I wasn't trying to sound hostile I am just extremely frustrated and sad right now.
It’s not “tone policing” to point out vitriolic tone in a discussion about how people have a bad tone with each other. It’s directly relevant to the discussion. Their word/tone was rude while calling for people to be nice.
I honestly started crying, but that's just me being pathetic and a sponge to stuff people say on the internet :(
Definitely not my intention and I apologize for upsetting you.
hey, just wanna jump in here to say i am proud of you both for having this honest conversation peacefully <3 really appreciate the thoughtfulness here
these are the valuable interactions that make the large amount of work running the instance worthwhile :)
It's all right, I was just extremely vulnerable due to the amount of exposure (which caused me to write this post) so I just got caught of guard, but I did my best to not be defensive
Either way, I should be more aware of the person on the other side of the screen. I could’ve had a gentler approach - but I want to reassure you that I was strictly talking to you about word choice, I do not think you are a bad person or have bad ideas or something. 
You are not pathetic! Having emotions about things and feeling your feelings is not pathetic.
It's definitely easier being on and participating on the internet when you have a 'thicker skin' and aren't too much of a sponge emotionally, but I don't think it should be that way. I'm sorry that it does tend to be that way. It sucks.
Having feelings about people saying negative things about a post you made where you poured out your thoughts and feelings and opened yourself up is not pathetic. It would probably be beneficial to you (& to everyone, not just you) to try and not take stuff like these internet comments so personally and so hard, but I know that's a lot easier said than done, and being this way is not a fault.
I may be projecting, because I'm definitely this way, but it sounds like you may have a habit of being too hard on yourself? I know I do! I'm a bit of an emotional sponge like you described yourself as, too, so I totally get it. We both could benefit from giving ourselves some more grace and understanding, like I tend to do for others and I'm guessing you do, too, and trying not to be so hard on ourselves. It doesn't mean there's anything wrong with you/us, though. It's so easy to be this way, especially on the mean wild west that is the internet!
I'm probably all over the place with this but I hope it all makes sense.
Just to reiterate: you're not pathetic. Feeling that way and being that way is not pathetic. You deserve to be treated with kindness and understanding, both from yourself and from others. Some of these commenters seem to be taking your post and comments without reading them in good faith..which not only isn't cool, but Beehaw has rules/guidelines about doing our best to take people's comments and arguments and stuff in good faith, darn it!
What you were saying was perfectly clear to me and I totally get and understand where you're coming from and what you're getting at and I agree because I've seen the same thing.
I hope this all makes sense. I can get a little rambly and all over the place, especially when I'm emotional, and seeing your comment saying how hurt you were and then also being so hard on yourself for it makes my heart hurt for you! I totally empathize and understand. If I can clarify anything, please feel free to let me know!
You're not pathetic and your feelings (in the comment and the post) are totally understandable and valid here. Please try to be more kind and positive to yourself, just like how in your post you were saying people should be less negative and more kind and positive on forums and internet stuff. You deserve kindness! I'm sending big internet hugs your way :)
(My apologies again for this long, rambly, all over the place, novel of a comment, lol!)
This was great, thank you! Yeah, I just wanted to vent a little bit because I was being really overwhelmed by toxic things when I just wanted to browse.
I am extremely hard on myself, haha. This is one of the things I tried to work on during counseling so I have huge triggers with rejection and such (yup, it's awful).
I really appreciated your message, really! 🥺
What a lovely, high effort comment. Thanks for taking time to respond so earnestly.
My intention is not to dogpile here, but I do have to agree with acastcandream's comment that the tone of that paragraph is probably an example of the kind of behaviour you're frustrated with.
This is not a criticism of you. You have provided two valid reasons for this, that English is not your first language and that you are upset. I personally relate a lot to the emotion you're communicating, and to the points in your original post. It upsets me too.
I think it's worth remembering whenever we see unfriendly comments on the internet that these too might be people who are frustrated and people who may be unable to articulate themselves properly due to language barriers or even health difficulties. We are all flawed humans behind these keyboards and screens in the end.
It does make me realise that for people whose English is their first language, such as myself, we have a responsibility to try our best to communicate our thoughts in a productive way so that people who learn English through interacting with people on the internet can learn from us :)