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It is not out of spite. More like a "Fool me once" situation. Brexit has cost the EU a lot - not as bad as it is for the UK, but still. If the UK ever rejoins, they would have to make sure that such a shit show never ever happens again. If only to sell it to the EU members who all have to be convinced that the UK will be a good boy from that point on.
If the Brexit train wreck proved anything, it's that the EU isn't as impressed with the UK as the UK thinks they are. Almost all attempts to strike a good deal were rejected, and the UK got rushed into a hard Brexit after years of nothing.
Remember, the EU isn't just about money and trade. It's also about unifying the European people. Some countries are in it just for the money, but they'll at least keep up the pretenses that they want to work for a united Europe. The UK made their opinion about these ideals quite clear while politicians tried to out-nationalism each other during Brexit, and I don't think other countries will just forget about it.
I doubt EU politicians will let the UK get away with all of their exceptions and privileges a second time.