this post was submitted on 10 Jun 2023
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Relaxed section for discussion and debate that doesn't fit anywhere else. Whether it's advice, how your week is going, a link that's at the back of your mind, or something like that, it can likely go here.
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I've had similar thoughts for these related topics without making the connection before.
There's the theory that humans as individuals have a limit of people they can interact with on a personal level (150 to 250). This means knowing things like "John likes carrot cake but hates lemon pies", but "Rita loves lemon pies and doesn't care for carrot cakes". Therefore, you know what to get for each, or what to joke about with each "hey John, I got you some lemon pies!", "ha ha ha! who do I look like? Rita?"
As we do not know the thousands of people on reddit/FB/Twitter/whatever, we end up using memes, quotes from shows, movies, games, books. People parrot old situations (in-jokes), such as the Unidan incident, without really knowing what went on beyond the text on our screens.
(Frankly, I'm mentally exhausted today and I'm gonna leave it at this. But I'm very interested in your view about this topic, and couldn't let it pass.)
This really connects with how I've been feeling switching from reddit to beehaw the last couple of days.
I used to be very active on a game-related forum and knew most of the regulars there pretty well (esp. the other teenagers/young adults). It was a nice time.
However, now that I've gotten used to reddit over the past ~6 years, I've realised the standard level of engagement with others and the amount of attention I feel like spending on a comment or post is so much lower than it used to be back in my forum days.
I won't lie - it's been hard to find the mental capacity to write a full and engaging comment sometimes. I find myself having some thoughts on a subject and then giving up before I start writing because I'm just not used to writing that much anymore.
It's not a bad thing though! I'm glad to be spending more time on honest and engaging replies :)
This is why it was extremely easy for me to ditch reddit. Other than asking a few questions in niche help subs, I was not interacting with anyone in a meaningful way.
I could recognize several usernames in many posts' comments over the years, but something that called my attention at one point is that those regulars were not recognized as such on reddit (not counting novelty accounts). There are some that have distinct names that will catch people's attention but no one is saying "hey John, how are you doing?"
And very, very rarely did I ever see someone tagging a non-bot username to a post's comment section, like you'd do in any other platform.
reddit, to me, has felt for a long time, as being adrift in the middle of the ocean with thousands of people who are constantly talking with one another as the current shifts us around.
I might have interacted with certain users multiple times and I honestly wouldn't have a clue. It's too large to be cohesive like that.
Sorry for the late reply. Yes, I think that's exactly right. Not my field but we are limited in the number of deep relationships we can have like you said. Of course, there are examples at both extremes; some can annoyingly have a near-multitude of deep friendships and others only one. Regardless, you are spot on, each deep relationship takes up a finite amount of time and eventually we run out of that time.
The shallower relationships that we have via memes are sometimes called "parasocial relationships". It is usually a term reserved for one-way relationships, celebrities and their fans for example. Fans know an awful lot about their favourite celebrity and devote considerable time to the relationship. The celebrity will likely not even know that the fan exists. Still, people (the fan) can gain important benefits and I really don't want to imply that these are somehow "bad" relationships, just that they are very different from what we normally think of as friendship.
Parasocial can extend to these sorts of meme-based simulations of a relationship you are talking about. I'm not up with this sort of literature but usually there are people who think these things can be useful shortcuts to "lubricate" interactions within large populations (where you literally cannot have deep relationships with everyone). Others might be a little crusty and say that they are not "real" relationships. Memes can also be ways of signifying being a member of a special "in" group and sociologists would pursue the idea of differentiation here - we are dividing ourselves into groups because it helps to avoid the endless complexity of individuals. This sort of research goes on a lot and is really interesting. My personal view is that it is all psychologically and socially important as a way of binding strangers together. The problem is that it often excludes and then may (not always, just may) lead to conflict between groups. So yeah, getting to know people deeply is a heck of a lot of work, just like what you and I are doing now. It's likely far easier if I had posted a "that's what she said" comment and you clicked the upvote button or maybe responded with a "boom!" comment. Which one is better? I don't know, it's up to your preference, mood, level of exhaustion after a long day, etc etc. :-) Hope that you are feeling rested.