this post was submitted on 28 Jul 2023
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Autism
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I’ve never had that happen to me. I’ll cheerfully say ‘feeling a bit rough, how are you? And I’ve never really had people take affront. … that I’ve noticed 🙂
For me, my problem with this approach is first of all I can't cheerfully say feelings a bit rough. That does not compute. But also, in my experience, if I say anything remotely negative that creates social pressure for them to ask for more details. "Aw I'm sorry, what's going on? 🥺"
But while I don't like lying about how I am, I also am not comfortable talking about my personal problems with people I'm not close to. So I would really prefer to not be put in this position in the first place.
Maybe we should consider if it is appropriate for us to know about someone's personal problems before we ask "how are you?"
If the answer is, ehh probably not appropriate, we should refrain from asking that because by doing so we are creating social pressure for the answer to only be positive, whether or not that's true.
I have decided to try and practice saying "hi hope you're having a nice day" instead of how are you to people I'm not close to. I think that reflects what we're really trying to say with the "how are you" in reality - we are wishing the person well.
It's like the Russian formal greeting Здравствуйте (zdrast-vyui'tye) literally translates to "Have health!
I’ve never felt so understood. I’ve contemplated telling people, “sorry that’s too personal of a question“ when asked. It’s painful.