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My wife and I had our first, and currently only son, in December of 2019. As COVID took hold, I fell into a dark funk that I have yet to break free of. I took care of my son, but I pretty much stopped taking care of trivial things like my health, the health of my snake (who ended up paying the ultimate price), and my home. My hobbies and aspirations seemed to fade away almost overnight. I basically stopped living.
I have no idea how much of this is parenting or dread for the world I didn't create, turning to shit just in time for my son to experience it. It's been over 3 years and I still avoid doing anything extra at home or work, projects seem like overwhelming mountains, and I can't help but feel like nothing matters anymore. I survive, I don't live.
It's not fair to my son. I'm not suicidal, but as I have told my therapist, I don't feel like there's much outside the four walls of my home to give a shit about or try for. My whole self seemed to have died with COVID and all I have now is my wife and kid.
Today I'm pretty sure my wife and I are addicted to weed (legal in my state) and don't go out much. We work, come home take care of our kid, but really never do extra. I feel bad for my son. He's our world, but that's it. Week to week, we go through the grind but never feel like we're living. COVID laid bare something that had been previously obfuscated: the rich are gonna rich and we are just fodder for their wealth.
I guess I'm saying all this to yell into the void. I see your struggle, I am wading through my own shit, so at least you aren't alone. My therapist and wife say I can't change the world so focus on my kid. Problem is, my disdain for this world, my compulsive, defeated desire to "eat the rich," does affect my son, who will face the water shortages, the overwhelming heat, and the dying planet that will continue to crumble around us. The wealthy have ruined everything that could allow me to ignore their shittiness.
This recent bout with the wealthy hoovering up all the money started with Reagan, and it will all end with the death of our planet.
Peace, love, and humpty-ness forever!