it’s more to do with their inability to use words to describe what they are seeing. Lack of ability to communicate. And yes, it can be very exhausting. You just reminded me of one relationship I’m actually very very relieved it ended because he was very much a draining human being.
this post was submitted on 05 Aug 2023
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Ask him to add "This is interesting!" followed by "please".
If he won't, repeat the request 3 times, then announce that you're going to pretend he didn't say a thing and refuse to move.
My wife does this, and I understand where you're coming from. Especially if I'm in the middle of something. Although, at least for me, it's usually a nice thing she wants to show me, I'd rather know what she wants me for before I make my way over to her. If I ever need her presence I go to her and tell her what I need her for, but she always tells for me in another room. I think that's what bothers me about it. I'd like her to do for me what I do for her.
This is an annoying trait that my moms husband has. It's ok to let it annoy you. It shouldn't be fucking with your day. If he says come here just say I'm doing or in x(watching the TV, in the kitchen, eating lunch, cleaning) it doesn't need to be super important but it'll just communicate you're doing something she he can bring the news to you. It should not stress you out though. Just change the dynamic a bit.
No! You go over there!
You're not alone, tho I usually don't deal with that. when someone tries that on me, unless it's in a situation where they literally can't move from that spot, I go "Ok, cool. YOU come here, then." Why? Simple: you wanna show me something. when I need you for something, then I'll walk my ass over to you and ask/show you what i need. Pretty reasonable ask to give me the same courtesy back, i think. Only one that's exempt from that is my ma, everyone else is gonna get a variation of the above.
Tell him “No, if you want something from me come to me, I am not a puppy”. That should be enough. See how he reacts, either like a bratty kid or like an adult.
My wife does that, too. I mean, yes, sometimes we just want to show something and sometimes it's only cool with a tad of surprise (a cat that has hidden in a funny spot or something), but she has me running around for absolutely nothing very often.
As others have noted, this is a command, an imperative in grammatical terms. It's offensive. The last thing I want to hear after a shit day at work is someone telling me what to do.
Maybe talk to him about this maybe get him to phrase it differently. "I found something I think you'ld like," or something like that.
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There seems to be two kinds of people giving advice here. The ones that try to analyze the situation rationally and give both of you the benefit of the doubt and the ones that have actual experience dealing with a person like this. I've been dealing with the exact same thing as you for over two decades. If you can't live with this issue don't bother trying to fix it. If that person ignores your request for comfort repeatedly it is definetly a mental health issue.
- It could be trauma or fear of rejection. Maybe they are afraid that if they give you the choice to come to them instead of commanding it, you could reject them and they are afraid of that feeling. Thats the best case scenario, because this can be worked on.
- They could also be just plain stupid. Forgetting that you asked them not to do that, or not knowing how to fully communicate their intent. This sucks, because it's really not their fault.
- It could be a form to get pleasure from control. As long as they keep calling you and you keep coming they will get the happy chemicals in their brain. This sucks too, but if you stop complying they will likely find something else to give them the same feeling.
- Worst case, they are a narcissist, who don't value your time or opinion but will pretend they do just enough to not inconvenience them. *This sucks the most, because they will never change - their brain is hardwired that way. They can only be learned to be dealth with, ignored or avoided.*
I'm not an expert in psychology, just somebody who had to deal with this issue long enough to know how it slowly wears you down and poisons your relationship.
It’s a manipulation of sorts; you’ve followed the first command so now there’s an expectation to follow the next when you get there.
If you want to mess with these people (or stop it), agree to go there and then say no and walk off on the next command.