ADHD

Mostly I am taken for an idiot because people can’t detect that a remark is humorous unless you’re being extremely obvious about it, and I have a very deadpan delivery, and generally dry and low key humor.

It’s very frustrating trying to socialize with people I don’t know good enough yet for them to know this, everyone just takes me at face value and then thinks I’m stupid.

I did have plenty of the awkward situations you’re describing myself when I was younger though. It’s such a revelation once you get your diagnosis and realize that, in fact, you are perceiving the world differently than neurotypical people.

I am struggling deeply with this now. I have found that trying to justify or explain what happens normally just falls on deaf ears and seems like I’m making excuses. I seem to continue to have this happen and it’s sort of started to become my true colors. I would suggest being accountable. Even if you mean well, and are not at fault or whatever it’s good to own the issue and work to move past it. Making excuses or explaining often just looks like you are trying to buck the blame.

Idk if I’m the best person to advise on this but that is my mentality moving forward!

As a person without ADHD, I handle my reaction to it by apologizing for misunderstanding, and then moving on. Even if the misunderstanding doesn’t seem to be my “fault”, taking the blame is a small price to pay in order to keep things relaxed.

I know it’s got to be incredibly embarrassing and frustrating, but I also know that I can’t really understand what it’s like to have ADHD. I just try to make it clear that I’m not upset (while at the same time not dwelling on it) and I try to make the other person as comfortable as possible. These things happen.

I talk less. I find that people like to talk over me constantly and interrupt, so I generally let them run with the rope until it hangs them. If I can get a word in edgewise, I'll give my 2 cents, but the quality of my answer if they're incapable of listening, is far less engaged than if the opposite were true. When that's the case, my responses are matter-of-fact and stripped to the barebones due to lack of interest, and trying to get my core points across.

I find that I write far better than I speak and as I get older, I care less and less about how someone perceives me, which has been a bit freeing.

Not well, honestly.

It depends. When it comes to friends and family, it'll sort itself out. People who will make a fool of you for it will generally not be worth keeping around and even if you try to save them, the relationships will likely rust until they die anyway. I find it mentally too exhausting to keep interacting with people with whom the experience is a pain 90% of the time for some fun for 10% of the time. Of course, when it comes to people in power, you can't really cut them out of your life. In that case, it's worth working to make them understand. That being said, you probably know already you shouldn't degenerate to writing everything off as your mental illness and avoiding working on yourself. Which is hard to do, I don't know how to do it either.

I've found that the best way is to explain myself like I'm 5. If somebody gives me a weird look after I give a dead pan joke, I'll stop what I'm saying and go "oh, sorry, I'm a very dead pan person and I was trying to make a joke, I guess it didn't come off that way, my mistake!"

Sure, at first it sounds weird or unnatural but I find that this has worked out better for me rather than staying quiet and blaming them for not appreciating my sense of humor.

I think it's also worth remembering that there are always people around who are malicious, and who will always deliberately misconstrue your words for some kind of personal gain - whether from gossip, or from acting morally superior, or just to make themselves feel better by insulting others.

There's not much you can do about that, but it will always happen.

I think I you have to come to terms with it because you can't please all of the people all of the time.

Make a deadpan joke, remain silent, expect nothing in return. Dread. Internally scream for a few seconds, then realize you don't really care that much. End up with a muted meh.