this post was submitted on 04 Oct 2024
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Is there a reason you were called a dick? You kind of skimmed over that.
Here’s some go tos:
I wasn't directly called a dick, but I get told I "clearly" mean something I didn't mean a lot. Like once I was complaining that my siblings (all late 20s to early 30s) didn't work and expected my mom to pay for everything, and a friend came in with "I know you're just mad at me for being unemployed" when I wasn't talking to or about him. Another time, I was venting (with permission) and said I was scared I was a bad person, and this friend took it to mean he was a bad judge of character, and even after I apologized he kept talking about what a bad judge of character he is.
I thought it was just this friend projecting his insecurities, but recently I was arguing with another friend and I apologized and said it was my fault for not explaining myself clearly, and he took it to mean I thought he was too stupid to have serious conversations with. He said I look down on him for being disabled and stopped talking to me.
My sister has also gotten mad at me without warning during casual conversations and I have to pry an explanation out of her and it's always "your tone of voice made it sound like you were picking a fight".
Also multiple instances where I was repeatedly told my apologies weren't genuine and I was lying.
So no one's straight up called me a dick, but I think a person who says or thinks the things I'm communicating would be a dick. Whether I mean to be or not, the person I'm presenting to the world is a dick. I make people feel awful about themselves, and I want to not do that.
Anyway, thanks for the tips. I try to do all those, but now that I think about it, I'm probably bad at the last one. I've definitely been yelled at for not shutting up before.
If you’re being perceived a different way than you intend, I find it’s best to simply apologise, explain that what your intention was and clarify what you mean.
It’s not just you that can mistakenly imply, others can mistakenly infer things too; such is the nature of human to human communication. (Considering we’re just a mess of electrical impluses it’s a miracle we can communicate ideas at all tbh)
Just be yourself, apologise and clarify if it comes across incorrectly, learn from the immediate feedback and I feel critically; don’t be trying to keep to guidelines of how you need to behave in a conversation. Be yourself, be in the moment. If you’re trying to micromanage your behaviour in the moment, people will sense that and it’ll put them off.
Just try to lean towards replies that hear the other person and show them kindness, but don’t overthink it on a day to day