Bro are you mailing yourself somewhere?
this post was submitted on 22 Jun 2023
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What I would do in this situation would be a 4-day fast. It's not for everybody, but you might want to at least consider it, because it's definitely doable, and some people even claim it's healthy (disclaimer: I am not a medical professional, don't take medical advice from random people on the internet).
To prepare, I would suggest switching to OMAD (one meal a day - effectively you will be fasting 23h every day) up until the trip. OMAD will help your body adjust to long periods of not eating. To be successful with OMAD, you need to ensure that your single meal will cover your daily calorie and nutrient needs. There's a bunch of resources about it online if you search.
Eat your last meal 48h before the trip - this will give you a chance to empty your bowels before you leave. Every day, make sure you drink enough electrolytes + take multivitamins. On the final day of your trip, it should be safe to have a SMALL meal (do not overdo it, you can hurt yourself by eating too much after a fast) - it should take your body over a full day before you'll need to poop.
How long do you have to prepare? Personally, when I first started doing OMAD, it took me over a month before my body became adjusted to fasting. But now, it just feels completely natural.
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I have a friend who was in the army and said they had to do 100+km training hikes. No one wanted to have to stop to poo so the first thing they did, before even starting, was to eat the block of cheese from their ration packs. They called it plug cheese.
This post is gold. To parrot a couple others, anti-diarrhea medicine always locks me up for a day or two
You're gonna need a bigger knife
This post is truly glorious, this should be the founding exhibit of the museum of Lemmy.
I am truly grateful to witness this moment.
In case OP is still with us, my advice would be anti diarrhoea medication, consume minimum liquids, avoid fibre, pack MREs which are often formulated to be a bit constipating. But above all, question why on earth you would be doing this in the first place!
Op is gonna meet their stinky penpal in person and wants to save a special gift for when they get together, how romantic π
Are you planning to film one of those "shipping myself in a box" videos? π
It's called a low residue diet https://badgut.org/information-centre/health-nutrition/low-residue-diet/
Give birth right before your trip
This is one of those threads thatβs going go be legendary is it? Like the eating their own foot on early Reddit
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I wonder how he will behave as soon as the first thing the date does in the tent is, unceremoniously, going for a poop.
Eat a full MRE the day before. Good luck ever pooping again.
This is the most upvotes I have seen on Lemmy so far! We gotta get this over 1k at least!
You're going to end up needing a knife...
If you don't wanna partake in illegals ie opioids, you can give immodium a shot. It's anti diarrhea stuff. Just take more than it says lol it will def stop you up. I would also just eat bare minimum. Trail mix or smth. Also drink less water.
I used to take immodium for multi-day concerts where I expected to be drinking a lot of beer. Last time I did so, it worked so well that I didn't shit for two weeks and stopped being able to sleep. Had to get to the doctor for a powerful laxative cocktail that really messed up my guts for another two weeks during which I still could barely sleep for different reasons. I'm not getting that month back.
Honestly, the edits didnβt clarify much. Iβm nearly as confused by this whole situation as I was the first time I read the post
You could try surviving on Soylent or an equivalent. It's the nutrients you need to stay alive and operating normally stripped down to the bare minimum (so less material for you to have to poop). It might be diluted in water but that could be minimised and that small amount would probably leave you though sweat/breath anyway.
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Steak and eggs, it's what astronauts use to not shit for days. your body absorbs most of the material rather than excreting it. your looking for anything "low residue".
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what the fuck. i need an update post
The type of shit (or lack thereof) that I came here to subscribe.