For a long time I didn’t feel like I was really part of the community. I’m bisexual and have had relationships with other women in the past but I’m married to a man now. I’ve found people in the community who say I’m not really a part of it so I’ve been really hesitant until recently to even try to participate.
this post was submitted on 09 Jun 2023
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You're definitely still part of the community, haha. Liking same or other genders doesn't change any of that. Getting married to someone doesn't change that. Even though I'm dating a guy, that doesn't mean I don't still think some women are attractive. Etc etc. You are perfect as you are, and I say that as a fellow bi person 🏳️🌈
Thank you! It feels really good to hear that and I’m excited to be more active in the community. 💜
biphobia sucks, I'm really sorry people told u that
Pros - I am attracted to everybody
Cons - nobody is still attracted to me
I mean it's who I am, but the current political climate definitely makes things a bit difficult.
Exactly! The world is easier not being, but it's who I am, and I'm not mad about that.
I'm happy and take pride in being openly trans. None of my issues are in being trans, only with the people and systems that make it difficult and painful. I have to see them as separate things so that I don't internalize the way being a trans person is treated as being transgender in itself.
Otherwise I'll be even more angry and bitter than I already am most days, and I'm truly trying to not be as much.
I second this! I'm really proud of who I am - I work in a rainbow community org and am really proud of the work I do, too. I've been out for a decade or so and two years ago I barely thought about being trans any more - it's just a part of who I am. But the big increase in anti-trans rhetoric (here in Aotearoa - significant but still not close to what's happening in the states) mean that I have to be more mindful and more aware of it, not in the least because my role means I do lots of work in the areas that have some of the biggest negative attention - healthcare, schools, bathrooms and changing rooms.
I'm actually not, but my best friend is Bi, and at my last couple jobs, it was often assumed that I was. I was a bartender, and I absolutely flirted with other men if it made me money or got a creep out the door non confrontationally.
Being able to flirt and be friendly with whoever I wanted was nice. Unfortunately at THIS job, someone found out I'm going to pride tomorrow to my friend, and now I'm being frozen out. I had a talk with HR yesterday that people are "uncomfortable" with me walking a lap through the office in the afternoon to stretch my legs.
Fuck office work. That's all I'm going to say.
I feel this, I work in the LTL (shipping and trucking) industry so there's a lot of people who are very much not comfortable around me once they found out I'm not straight.
I haven't had to go to HR about it for more than 1 person but it's something that I've noticed for sure
Honestly, I can't go to HR, so it's kind of stressing me out. My boss doesnt give a fuck, but if he decides he does, I'm out the door.
And I'm sure this isn't a news flash to anyone here, but it's fucking irritating. Buncha squares made their little lives so safe, boring, and miserable that they have to latch onto anything different and destroy it to avoid thinking about it.
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It's interesting being a recovering country gay because I've made a lot of lesbian and non binary friends but i still want to do the dating/bf experience :(
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Back when I was Christian, I hated what I was. I spent my youth "praying the gay away" and all that. As a result, I suffered from depression and anxiety pretty much straight out of the womb.
Then I came out, was ostracized by my Christian family, and everything I was afraid of happening happened.
But you know what? I ended up finding a new family who loves and supported who I am. I married a wonderful woman who loves me in all my trans masc non-binary, bisexual confusion.
I realized that what I hated wasn't my being queer, what I hated was that my family would never love me unconditionally. Now I love who I am and I honestly feel happier than I ever did performing the cis straight dance.
closeted but I thank god every day I'm bi regardless. genderwise I guess I'd rather not be nb but it is what it is 🤷. I'm more or less okay with what I am.
I'm not even queer but I love y'all and the safe spaces you create <3
I don’t mind, mostly. There were days when I was wondering whether „life“ would be easier if I was hetero but realized that this question does not make any sense. Plus, I met so many lovely people and had a great time – it’s all worth it.
Well, life might be easier in the sense of not having randos raise eyebrows, wanting explanations, putting up barriers to basic, universal human rights. But as a (boomer) lesbian, I'm only too happy not to be dealing with social expectations about gender role restrictions in a conventional marriage.
Oh yes, I'm looking at this question from my very privileged point of view, obviously, since I do not need to be afraid because of my sexual orientation. Even at work everyone (seemed to have) accepted it or simply does not care. And raised eyebrows, well, they simply do not do it while I am around. There are a few people that are surprisingly cold to me and I wonder whether it's because of this, but in the end I just don't care.
I guess you're right. I learned a lot from being bi myself but things would be so much easier if I was hetero
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Life may be easier as someone straight, but there's upsides to being queer too. I feel like I don't have to worry about my appearance as much. If I wanna wear nailpolish, I can do it. Or other stuff like that. I guess I do worry a bit about people confronting me and my bf, but I live in a great city that seems chill with it. So I'd say the tradeoff was worth it :)
Yes, that's it. In the right environment living your true self is easier as a queer person. At least that's what it feels like.
Always grieving for younger me and wondering what could have been but I love me now and I'm so excited for that this younger generation has so much support and is expressing themselves in all the ways I wish I could have. It's a beautiful things.
I like it because it means I get to like girls and I can't imagine this not being an option anymore.
The climate in the US is very bad right now, and it sucks that I have to actively think of how queer I want to present myself on any given outing. But it's still worth being queer.
I'm not a very social person so for me the worst part is feeling left out of the community. I'm very happy to be queer. But I also live in a place where I don't always feel comfortable being visible - those experiences make me hate my surroundings, not my identity.
It's nice being a part of a community that accepts me for who I am.
I grew up in a very rural very conservative area with a very conservative father so accepting who I was was something I had to work towards.
And just being able to be me with a community is so nice, some members of the community don't like me (I'm bi, so there's biphobia to deal with from the community) but in general the community is very welcoming.
I like being ace. It does suck that in my home country, most people think that asexuality doesn't exist.
Being bi has only upsides for me, being trans can be rough. On the social side it's been surprisingly pretty great, but emotionally it has taken its toll
I love it. I'm still half-closeted, but this is good.
Yall can be a bit annoying a little weird, but I guess you're alright
No. I don't like how being queer has granted me special rights, both legally and socially. I find it easier to just say I'm queer, but not a part of the rainbow.
I dislike being grouped in the more rabid aspects of the queer community, the kind that religiously defends Drag, encourages sexual deviancy and praises censorship.
And I especially dislike the forcefulness of pride. A day. A month. Another month. It never stops. It's just so artificial and exists purely to sell rainbow products and prime-time entertainment. 'keep consuming, you gay.'
I dislike being grouped in the more rabid aspects of the queer community, the kind that religiously defends Drag, encourages sexual deviancy and praises censorship.
What's wrong with drag and sexual deviance? They don't hurt anyone.
And I especially dislike the forcefulness of pride.
Having a month to celebrate pride is forceful? Who is forcing you to do anything related to pride?
as a sex repulsed asexual, i’m not personally a huge fan of how sexual/horny the LGBT community can tend to be in online spaces at least. back on reddit, a lot of LGBT meme subs or even just r/bisexual for example (i’m biromantic) are really sexual especially. pride events don’t feel particularly comfortable for me either because of this.
i totally understand why the community tends to be this way when it’s based on sexuality and gender alone as a uniting force, and that’s okay, but it regardless isn’t something i’d like to personally be associated with much. i support people doing whatever they like within their own home so long as it is of age humans consenting, but in outside environments just tends to make me uncomfortable.
I would love to know the "special rights" being queer grants people. I could use some
Mainly in the employment sector. You're more likely to be hired if you happen to be queer. Likewise, I can take someone to court for calling me a fag or what other slur they blurt out, yet they can't take me to court if I attack their heterosexuality. That doesn't seem fair to me.
More likely to be hired if queer? On what universe??
That all totally sounds awesome to me considering I face death in my country for being bi. Would love to only have to worry about fairness
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Likewise, I can take someone to court for calling me a fag or what other slur they blurt out, yet they can’t take me to court if I attack their heterosexuality.
i don't even think this is correct, but even if we ignore that and accept it to be true: i am pretty confident no group of heterosexuals in human history have ever been oppressed for any protracted period of time for being heterosexual. comparatively, it is still not that weird and in many places and contexts socially normalized to discriminate against queer people, even where they have existing protected rights. this seems like a completely unobjectionable asymmetry given that fact. i would question anybody who thinks it is weird.
i don’t even think this is correct, but even if we ignore that and accept it to be true:
It's nice you don't think it's correct, but fortunately, it is.
i am pretty confident no group of heterosexuals in human history have ever been oppressed for any protracted period of time for being heterosexual.
True, but that isn't my point. My point is that I have abilities that straight people do not. That is not equality.
it is still not that weird and in many places and contexts socially normalized to discriminate against queer people, even where they have existing protected rights. this seems like a completely unobjectionable asymmetry given that fact. i would question anybody who thinks it is weird.
Absolutely, those are the places we need to focus pride on, not on the latest corporation logo, special rainbow burger or a tweet from a washed-up boomer.
It’s nice you don’t think it’s correct, but fortunately, it is.
...you just sent me a link which explicitly says sexual orientation, blanketly, is covered by nondiscrimination and equality laws with no exception for heterosexuality? i'm going to be honest i don't know what point you're making here and you strike me as having kind of reactionary positions informed by information you're not correctly interpreting.
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Yeah. Even with all the bullshit trans and queer people face I am much happier being myself. Wouldn't trade it for anything. It helps that I live in a queer positive city in a US state without pushes for anti trans legislation, certainly. But whenever I feel depressed about fascists making life harder for people like me I can always reach out to my partner and my found family for support.
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