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The latest supervisor was a devout catholic with literally 12 children, and he found out that the time off I'd taken was to get a vasectomy.
I could have pushed the issue and very likely could have kept my job but... we kept getting fewer contracts, there was drama between C-level people, and Mr. Catholic was the 3rd boss in 8 months. I had a new job two days later, working for a place that isn't so obviously circling the drain.
Panera overnight baker. I got hired as a warm body to stop them from having to fly someone in and put them up in a hotel. I did not have any relevant qualifications. My training was rushed and done by someone who wasn’t qualified to train me. Then when I was doing the job too slowly, they decided it was cheaper to bring someone in than to keep paying me overtime. I almost cried. I’d never made more than $10 an hour prior to that job, so I thought I was making good money. I wasn’t. Panera and their overpriced shit can eat my whole ass.
Panera, at least around where I am, used to allow employees to take away discarded/unused/expired bread for personal use. But that was too nice to the poors so that ended eventually. 
A lot of that is about the bread wall. You can buy the full miches, among other things, off the bread wall behind the counters. I guess they’ve found that having all that fresh bread out front increases sales (kind of like how groceries stores out fresh flowers out front and then having the produce section be right near the front door), but a lot of the big ones sell really inconsistently. Not many people are doing grocery shopping at Panera, you know? Some days the bread wall empties. Other days, it’s half full at the end of the day with bread that’s only a couple days away from being moldy or so hard it’s not edible. So they mark up the bread that’s most likely to remain on the shelf anyway and it becomes tax deductible when they donate it to a local charity. They get their pretty bread wall that sells out two days a week and they get to write off their losses.
But if they don’t donate the bread, it’s not deductible. And if you let employees take enough extra bread, they stop buying as much on their lunch breaks and you start getting empty bags arriving at local soup kitchens, which is a bad look and can jeopardize the arrangement.
Tfw you're too poor to buy food and too rich to get it for free 😔
Union organizing
You have to steal company equipment or sexually assult a colleague to get fired here. I've done neither of those things.
I used to work for the government. I don't think they'd fire you even if you did sexually assault a colleague that seems pretty much standard operation for them.
I left because it was god-awful boring.
For my first job I worked at a rural gas station pumping gas. It was a full service gas station which was rare in my area. I mean, it still is, but it was back then too. Anyway, I was only 15 at the time, which was technically underage, but I was paid under the table anyway. My sister worked as a cashier at that gas station and was the one who got me the job. I mostly worked when she did, though I would work with other cashiers on occasion. My sister ended up getting another job and basically ghosted the gas station. The owner basically fired me because of this, he didn't want any other family members working for him. I don't think he ever liked me to begin with, so I think it was just an excuse to get rid of me. He was in the process of selling the store anyway, which happened not long after I got fired, so I would've lost the job anyway.
Failure to show up. I got a job out of the city that would put me up for the summer and straight up forgot to tell my boss. Should have paid me better if you didn't want me to leave 
I'm sorry, that is hilarious. Thanks for sharing.
I got fired from my role at the orange juice factory.
I couldn't concentrate.
Because I kept printing t-shirts and cups upsidedown
I've always managed to leave my career jobs before shit hit the fan, but I did get asked to not come back to one of my college tutoring gigs because I told the kid's dad I didn't like the IP phones he had installed on campus.
Help desk for a tech company (hourly, not salary). They wanted me to be on the on call rotation for systems I wasn’t qualified to oversee, and not pay me extra during the on call shifts. It was at that moment I stopped giving a fuck about that job and productivity and project completion both dropped off. Was justifiably fired a few months later.
Never ever work for a company for free.
I merged in an average of 1 PR every 2 weeks